dark time

 I started writing again with hope of a new beginning.

Yet life pulled me back down into dark time and there's no light at the end of this tunnel...yet.

Back into life

 London. Apr ...early-ish

I have few days of peace left, almost. And then, back into the fire and chaos of survival

Books

 London. 11 Mar 2021

As I breathed in the fresh air while walking along the high street, with all the shops still shut and empty. I wish I can go in and browse, looking at things that I dont need but want to have. And mostly is the book stores. Just to breathe in the smell of new printed papers of each page. I miss feeling of being content enough to just have a day to browse the city, mindlessly.

My baby sister is turning 18. That also means I've been away for such long time. And yet, I dont feel the time apart is such a big dent. But when I look at my parent, I can see it in their deepen wrinkles. Yet again, I still havent done much for my life as I wish to.

I looked at all the display books on the window today and wonder, if I ever will have a book there, not that I started to even write anything meaningful but I have an idea and some back-bone for something worth writing. But I wonder if I will ever get around to it...

Life is full of half-lived dreams.

Starts again

 London. 26.02

I sat under the blazing sun today. It is still cold but gloriously sunny. England in sunny days is the best England I'll ever recall or remember.

The sky is almost too blue. The breeze just lace through the trees, whispering just enough. And the peacefulness under that warm sun chasing by the patches of clouds...

Everyday is hard to get up, to keep going. But day like today, I feel renew which is not often. There are days I feel like being under water, so much muffle sounds, so much loneliness because of everything that can happen and is happening around me. I thought I had gotten better. Yet when life doesnt give you much to go on, I always turn back into that little island.

I've wasting away these days, reading many books that dont make much sense but as an escape route. 

There are days I wish I can do more. Yet overall, I'm still standing very still, in the same spot, with no will to carry myself.

wow hello there

London. 00:27. 24.02.21

 Suddenly I feel like writing something tonight.

I dont really write much anymore, I have many reasons/excuses for my dehydrated soul. LOL. I cant even read my previous writing posts and dont feel: urg... how did I write them down so easily before. Now I'm all cramp up, holding in and keep moving on. 

Life is such a strange move. 

I really cant wait to live again.