So it's my memories month. I wouldnt talk too much again about that, I promise, kind of full on for you guys to read about what-we-already-know things huh.
I'm travelling to central this Sunday, needed to fill up my time a bit and mainly to get out of the house, or else I'll start cleaning up the whole messy kitchen which is the place you wouldnt know where to begin with. Ok, back to our topic.
Recently I read quite a few things about Love and Lost. Those two always go together a lot, dont you think ? Must be two faces of a coin thing. I realised no matter how much we love someone or even something, neglectting or full of love, at the end when you losing or lost them, you'll find yourself still "beating yourself up" with the thought: I havent love or show my love to them enough. That's just the feeling of Lost that I guess, we'll never feel any different.
Dare I say I know how or what is Love. I often says we define the Meaning of Love so differently, guess that's why after many many broke up and heart breaks, we still can head-over-heels for someone - they could be an old friend or a total stranger, does it matter ? No, not at all, because to us, Love is just Love. Oh of course you already known that. Am I just talking nonsense here ???!!!????
Welcome back after all that philosophy talking.
I had one heart-break and somehow it's like a pain only comes when you touch it. Oh I know in life we suppose to get at least one heart-breaking experience and none is worse than any others. Being selfish as you all may as well, I still consider my pain is a huge hole which dont know how I'm gonna fill it up. There's hardly any comfort when I need to face that person again. We shared so so much. I decided to leave. Truely there are times when the pain came back, I asked myself whether I've done the right thing and the memories flooded back, pretty beautiful ones and bad bad ones... I wouldnt say I would live through that sweet time again despite the sour time went along with it. I actually glad and proud of myself that I could get out of it... the thing that I didnt think I could do at all from times to times.
And what actually is the reason ? Oh no, we'll never get the answer we wanted for that kind of questions, dont you think ?
But in a way, we had define the meaning of Love differently.
With me, after a heart break, after seeing and even experienced few stories about Love and Marriage, Love still so precious. Love is when you feel so full of energy to do anything yet dont want to do anything that not related to The One. Love is when whatever happened, happening, you still stand by their side, encouraging, supporting their life, cause now it's a sharing life, not just your or them anymore. Love is hatred and loving at the same time. You get to know the good and the bad sides and you'll still find yourself want to hold them so tight that none can breath just because you cant let go, you cant and will not let it slip out of your life easily even if you cant stand it at that right moment. Does that mean you blind? No no, not at all, just because you have the best interest for them at heart, you willing to go til the end.
I loved and thought, I can give up things just to make our lives more fit in, there are certain things of course, I wouldnt change myself just to keep someone or give up totally myself just to have them, that's blindness. When you arent respect your true self then who would love you truly ? But Love who ever said it's when 2 people go together heading same direction, it's just a so romantic and unreal saying. In real life, every relationships need compromises. When you share life with someone, even just a tiny bit corner of it with them, there would always be 2 facts: to give and to receive. You cant build a relationship base one way, either you'll be miserable in it or you'll let it go sooner, later.
In Love, whenever we talk about it, first thing would be about couple. Yes but why, there are friends, families that no other can trade place with. Is it because it's more intimate between the two ? Maybe. But still, I would never give up a dearest friend just to please someone I love because if they make me to do that means they not yet loving me the way they are trying to show but it's still more about themselves, their own feeling they place in order, and in my point of view, even my parents who gave me life havent got the right to do that, left alone some stranger just come into my life out of nowhere (oh ok, not out of nowhere but more like few years loving and sharing) has a say about who I should stay friends with or feeling close to.
That's lead to another perspective of Love. Respectation. When you are in love, you would be so, yes I means a big SO Selfish that there are times, you need a full attention, no exception to anyone that you'll have to share The One. And different people has a different Limit of Selfishness. Sometimes when you not put The One's feeling in consideration, you'll end up put your limit over their and that's when things started to go wrong. Because privacy can be break in so easily when you want things your way, not their way.
Get tired yet of my 'ranting talk about love' ? Well with easy thinking people, they would find these are nonsense. But it is complicated you know. Love itself is a never end topic. Yet I'm just talking about how I look at it. Maybe one day, soon enough, someone would define Love the same way with me: when you can love with all your heart but respect the space between each other, yet sharing everything you love, enjoy and more important dislike, hate, as well as fear, all the same with responsibilities and abilities in each other life. Then maybe, I'll never let that go... as well as they wont.
Writing these in the mood of Love and Friendship when all my friends are so much in love and fear of love at the same run way. Maybe we are all saying: what will be, will be. But I hope it would be All Good for you guys. Because I am so much in love with all of you too, no matter what I've been through or will going through or you guys going through, at least we still have each other for the Up and Down. Missing all and I'm sure we'll meet up (again) soon - as if we've ever been apart :x :*
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